Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
