Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
