I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
