i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
