Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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