A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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