so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
