your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
