Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
