Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
