I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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