First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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