4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
