Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I look better un-naked...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
