i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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