i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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