Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
