i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
