You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
