The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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