That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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