girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
