I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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