I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
