You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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