Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When are your genitals available?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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