apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
