on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
