he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
