currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
