I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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