can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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