please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
