Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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