so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize