it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
