whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
