I wanna passion pit in your ass
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
