Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
