Me too!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think we might need a safe word for this...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
