So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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