so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
