I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
