I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
