there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Im part way to drunk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
