If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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