In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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