Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
