You're completely useless in the revolution.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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