One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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