she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
