She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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