But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
