Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She's the barista slut.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
