So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
PANTIES FOUND
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
