She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
