distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
