Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
